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    April 02

    风中的哥哥

         那年春末,张国荣没有勇气乘羊走进夏天,选择了与海风煦煦的春季一道消遁。
      在风的红色暗夜中,张国荣飘然坠落。他把自己不屈的头颅,从生命砸向死亡,砸向一堵深藏于心的黑幕,作了一次不归的蹦极。
      霸王别姬,我们别哥哥。只是,没有人忍心为哥挥剑起舞。
      张国荣在风中。从春风到秋风,小风、大风、微风、轻风、凉风、热风、和风,渐次斟满哥哥的46盏生命之杯。而杯旁那枚期待的紫玫瑰,始终没有出现。
      在他挣扎在悒郁的灵魂,在他顽强地拒绝世界时,穿透他心灵的风了凉、好凉,他在风中阵阵寒冷。
      张国荣在风中。其实,这个世界给了哥哥许多,红色恋人、夜半歌声、东邪西毒、星月童话、红色怨男……在他的身后是无数眼泪在飞。然而,一种莫名的情绪,久久地笼罩着哥哥,看不见、摸不着的风缠绕着哥哥,使他感觉,却总是抓不住风的手。
      张国荣在风中。他在内心的深处,在人们不易觉察的地方,为自己筑起一堵郁闷的幕墙。在辉煌散尽的午夜,他无法以渺小抗击高墙,于是最终选择了一次典型男人式的碰撞,徐徐谢幕。
      有谁能想到,在哥哥个性化地演出苦难而执著的程蝶衣,演出坚强而脆弱的革命者,在超重低音中灿烂地笑着忧伤,在夜半旷远幽怨的歌声中,在女人对男人的暗恋中,他的人格已剥离向一个个催人泪下的角色。在意志无法承受之重中,他迷失了自己。他在风中眼看黑色的幕墙一点点地砌垒,他无法冲破黑幕,为黑幕而死。
      张国荣在风中。他无法依照理想改变世界,世界也无法无情地改变他,于是,哥哥和世界终究泪眼朦胧地分离。
      当风再起时,风已轻拂不到哥哥的脸颊。

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